I have had Enough.

[sev]

If I read about another writer getting praised for insightful, witty, biting commentary on his Experiences As A Dad, I might just have to pitch a fit.

Because while he's writing about Being A Dad, his partner who's caring for the kid doesn't have time to pee, much less write.

Really, it's not about the dads doing the writing. (A lot of them are aware and up-front about how much work their partners are doing while they close the door to get some writing done.) It's the breathless amazement in evidence when people talk about them. The "Look what a cool thing happens when we let dads help parent the kids!" And it's so hard to criticize, because people's first reaction is, what, you'd rather dads not participate in parenting enough to get excited? To not write about it? And no, I don't want to retreat to the days of fathers being less involved in their kids lives -- of course not. (And I'm annoyed that I have to bother with the caveat. Sheesh!) I'd be less pissed off, too, if I saw more evidence that writing about motherhood was being taken seriously.

What I want is for fathering to be considered as ordinary as mothering, for mothering to be considered as extraordinary as fathering. For parenting to be recognized as the ordinary and extraordinary thing it is, no matter who's doing it. For people to appreciate that parenting is a big, hard job, that even with two parents wholly engaged, can eat up vast quantities of time, attention, and energy. And that having time to write about it is a luxury.

Comments

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

having time to write about it is a luxury.

Holy shit, yes!! (Why, yes, I do get a little peevish about that one. I have *lots* of stuff I'd like to say about what I'm doing, right here, right now, and absolutely no time and energy with which to say it. Grr. Argh. And by the time I do have the time and energy, I won't have the source material.)

[slfisher.livejournal.com]

sing it, sister.

Doonesbury had a great series on this about twenty years ago that I always assumed was based on Good Morning, Merry Sunshine by Bob Greene.

[punzel.livejournal.com]

Amen.

And I wish a (childfree) relative would get called to be interviewed for articles about great CEO's, not just articles about "women in business". . . .

[(Anonymous)]

Well said. The pendulum does swing, with normalization the result when it settles, but isn't it about damned time?

[j5nn5r.livejournal.com]

Wow. What brought this rant about? Not that it's not deserved in a significant amount of cases...

[sev]

I read the parenthacks blog, periodically. The regularly post ideas from parents who also have their own blogs. Only when it's a dad do they make specific recommendations for people to go read the blog of the person who sent in the tip -- or even comment about the parents' blogs at all. When it's a mom, they just stick with linking her name to her blog. They don't gush about *all* the dads -- but the ones they gush about specifically are generally dad-blogs (or sometimes, dads-who-blog, who might have just happened to have posted about their kid that day).

It's not just them. But they were the ones who happened to be doing it when I finally hit overload.

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

I'll trade you getting rid of the hearing about how fancy active dads are for getting rid of all the books and plays and television shows and movies about the extraordinary double-life of female mathematicians (and doctors and judges and presidents and....). Because everyone is ordianry and everyone has to put up with society's shit to be who they are and do what they do. Honestly, I'd enjoy a biography from someone who says "Hey, the world gave me a free pass to achieve all my dreams!" just for the novelty value.

And, I don't know, but when you read about single mothers, do you feel the urge to tell them to step away from the computer and take care of their children? Because it's a little challenging that you would infer that a writing father is negligent by default. Even if he is specifically telling you that he is not Superdad and his partner is doing the childrearing work while he is pursuing the external portion of his life's work, because that's a caveat that he probably feels that he shouldn't have to make either.

I'm with you that it would be great to live in a world where good fathers aren't treated like gold (and, by extension, that deficient fathers aren't loveably goofy in sitcoms or adorably pathetic in cold remedy ads), but we don't live in that world and I can't even see that world from here. So, as with feminists or peace advocates or vegetarians, if a writer feels like expressing xir worldview would make create more empathy for that worldview, I say write on and I'll just ignore you if I feel I have to.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Because everyone is ordianry and everyone has to put up with society's shit to be who they are and do what they do. Honestly, I'd enjoy a biography from someone who says "Hey, the world gave me a free pass to achieve all my dreams!" just for the novelty value.

Wait. You are saying this without irony?