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I have had Enough.
If I read about another writer getting praised for insightful, witty, biting commentary on his Experiences As A Dad, I might just have to pitch a fit.
Because while he's writing about Being A Dad, his partner who's caring for the kid doesn't have time to pee, much less write.
Really, it's not about the dads doing the writing. (A lot of them are aware and up-front about how much work their partners are doing while they close the door to get some writing done.) It's the breathless amazement in evidence when people talk about them. The "Look what a cool thing happens when we let dads help parent the kids!" And it's so hard to criticize, because people's first reaction is, what, you'd rather dads not participate in parenting enough to get excited? To not write about it? And no, I don't want to retreat to the days of fathers being less involved in their kids lives -- of course not. (And I'm annoyed that I have to bother with the caveat. Sheesh!) I'd be less pissed off, too, if I saw more evidence that writing about motherhood was being taken seriously.
What I want is for fathering to be considered as ordinary as mothering, for mothering to be considered as extraordinary as fathering. For parenting to be recognized as the ordinary and extraordinary thing it is, no matter who's doing it. For people to appreciate that parenting is a big, hard job, that even with two parents wholly engaged, can eat up vast quantities of time, attention, and energy. And that having time to write about it is a luxury.
Because while he's writing about Being A Dad, his partner who's caring for the kid doesn't have time to pee, much less write.
Really, it's not about the dads doing the writing. (A lot of them are aware and up-front about how much work their partners are doing while they close the door to get some writing done.) It's the breathless amazement in evidence when people talk about them. The "Look what a cool thing happens when we let dads help parent the kids!" And it's so hard to criticize, because people's first reaction is, what, you'd rather dads not participate in parenting enough to get excited? To not write about it? And no, I don't want to retreat to the days of fathers being less involved in their kids lives -- of course not. (And I'm annoyed that I have to bother with the caveat. Sheesh!) I'd be less pissed off, too, if I saw more evidence that writing about motherhood was being taken seriously.
What I want is for fathering to be considered as ordinary as mothering, for mothering to be considered as extraordinary as fathering. For parenting to be recognized as the ordinary and extraordinary thing it is, no matter who's doing it. For people to appreciate that parenting is a big, hard job, that even with two parents wholly engaged, can eat up vast quantities of time, attention, and energy. And that having time to write about it is a luxury.
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Holy shit, yes!! (Why, yes, I do get a little peevish about that one. I have *lots* of stuff I'd like to say about what I'm doing, right here, right now, and absolutely no time and energy with which to say it. Grr. Argh. And by the time I do have the time and energy, I won't have the source material.)
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Doonesbury had a great series on this about twenty years ago that I always assumed was based on Good Morning, Merry Sunshine by Bob Greene.
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And I wish a (childfree) relative would get called to be interviewed for articles about great CEO's, not just articles about "women in business". . . .
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(Anonymous) 2006-05-03 09:22 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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It's not just them. But they were the ones who happened to be doing it when I finally hit overload.
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And, I don't know, but when you read about single mothers, do you feel the urge to tell them to step away from the computer and take care of their children? Because it's a little challenging that you would infer that a writing father is negligent by default. Even if he is specifically telling you that he is not Superdad and his partner is doing the childrearing work while he is pursuing the external portion of his life's work, because that's a caveat that he probably feels that he shouldn't have to make either.
I'm with you that it would be great to live in a world where good fathers aren't treated like gold (and, by extension, that deficient fathers aren't loveably goofy in sitcoms or adorably pathetic in cold remedy ads), but we don't live in that world and I can't even see that world from here. So, as with feminists or peace advocates or vegetarians, if a writer feels like expressing xir worldview would make create more empathy for that worldview, I say write on and I'll just ignore you if I feel I have to.
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Wait. You are saying this without irony?