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sev...I'm not-smoking, for over three weeks now.
No, I don't want you to congratulate me, or say that you're glad, or anything like that. Why would I want to hear that you're happy that I'm feeling like crap?
And: Do not argue with me about this. I *really* don't want to ask you for this and then hear that you don't care what I ask, you'll make happy noises at me anyway, and then you'll explain to me *why* you think you should be able to make happy noises at me even when I asked you not to.
Yes, people really do this. It's very rude, and it makes me very angry.
Do not try to explain to me why other people are so happy I'm not smoking. I understand why other people are happy, and I do not agree that their reasons justify being impolite to me about it.
Telling me you're happy, or why you're happy, or why other people are happy, when I have explicitly asked you not to, is rude. Got it?
While I'm at it:
Do not be rude to me and then belittle my response by blaming it on withdrawal. If someone is rude to me I reserve the right to be rude right back. If I am angry I expect you to respect that I'm angry, and not pretend that nobody has done anything for me to get angry about.
In case it's not clear: I'm angry.
Don't laugh when it's obvious that I'm thinking more slowly than usual. And don't get impatient. If you can't control your laughter or your impatience, just don't talk to me.
And if you've never been through it and want to display your ignorance, just shut up and go away.
And if you've been through it but it wasn't hard for you and want to say anything that references that ease, just shut up and go away.
Don't enthuse about how much money I'm saving. I wasn't smoking that much to begin with, and a miserable month isn't ever going to be worth $40 to me.
Don't give me advice about what to do, unless I specifically ask for it. As far as I can tell, most people's experience of quitting is different, and what works for one person isn't necessarily going to work for somebody else. So I don't want to hear what you think I should do. If you want to help, you can ask me if you can do things for me. Not tell me to do things you think would help.
And don't ask me to justify being unhappy about this. Any statement that starts out "but aren't you glad that..." should be made far, far out of my earshot.
In fact, if you have anything to say to me that isn't sympathetic, go away and say it where I can't hear. Here, practice for me: "That must be awful for you. Would you like some chocolate?" or just "Wow, that sucks."
This process is very unpleasant. If the last time I did this is any measure, I will feel this way for at least three months, and only marginally better for the year thereafter.
There's too many people who are normally polite and well-behaved think that for some reason it's okay to be rude because I'm kicking a habit they don't approve of. That's self-righteous bullshit, no matter how much "concern for my health" they try to dress it up in.
(and for those of you who've been supportive and patient and nurturing, thank you. I appreciate it.)
No, I don't want you to congratulate me, or say that you're glad, or anything like that. Why would I want to hear that you're happy that I'm feeling like crap?
And: Do not argue with me about this. I *really* don't want to ask you for this and then hear that you don't care what I ask, you'll make happy noises at me anyway, and then you'll explain to me *why* you think you should be able to make happy noises at me even when I asked you not to.
Yes, people really do this. It's very rude, and it makes me very angry.
Do not try to explain to me why other people are so happy I'm not smoking. I understand why other people are happy, and I do not agree that their reasons justify being impolite to me about it.
Telling me you're happy, or why you're happy, or why other people are happy, when I have explicitly asked you not to, is rude. Got it?
While I'm at it:
Do not be rude to me and then belittle my response by blaming it on withdrawal. If someone is rude to me I reserve the right to be rude right back. If I am angry I expect you to respect that I'm angry, and not pretend that nobody has done anything for me to get angry about.
In case it's not clear: I'm angry.
Don't laugh when it's obvious that I'm thinking more slowly than usual. And don't get impatient. If you can't control your laughter or your impatience, just don't talk to me.
And if you've never been through it and want to display your ignorance, just shut up and go away.
And if you've been through it but it wasn't hard for you and want to say anything that references that ease, just shut up and go away.
Don't enthuse about how much money I'm saving. I wasn't smoking that much to begin with, and a miserable month isn't ever going to be worth $40 to me.
Don't give me advice about what to do, unless I specifically ask for it. As far as I can tell, most people's experience of quitting is different, and what works for one person isn't necessarily going to work for somebody else. So I don't want to hear what you think I should do. If you want to help, you can ask me if you can do things for me. Not tell me to do things you think would help.
And don't ask me to justify being unhappy about this. Any statement that starts out "but aren't you glad that..." should be made far, far out of my earshot.
In fact, if you have anything to say to me that isn't sympathetic, go away and say it where I can't hear. Here, practice for me: "That must be awful for you. Would you like some chocolate?" or just "Wow, that sucks."
This process is very unpleasant. If the last time I did this is any measure, I will feel this way for at least three months, and only marginally better for the year thereafter.
There's too many people who are normally polite and well-behaved think that for some reason it's okay to be rude because I'm kicking a habit they don't approve of. That's self-righteous bullshit, no matter how much "concern for my health" they try to dress it up in.
(and for those of you who've been supportive and patient and nurturing, thank you. I appreciate it.)
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no subject
on 2005-10-02 03:31 pm (UTC)In fact, if you have anything to say to me that isn't sympathetic, go away and say it where I can't hear. Here, practice for me: "That must be awful for you. Would you like some chocolate?" or just "Wow, that sucks."
Sorry if I missed it, since it clarifies a lot.
no subject
on 2005-10-02 04:13 pm (UTC)No apologies needed -- I *do* think it's important that I remember that there are people who might really not be willing to say anything I want to hear.