May. 2nd, 2006

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If I read about another writer getting praised for insightful, witty, biting commentary on his Experiences As A Dad, I might just have to pitch a fit.

Because while he's writing about Being A Dad, his partner who's caring for the kid doesn't have time to pee, much less write.

Really, it's not about the dads doing the writing. (A lot of them are aware and up-front about how much work their partners are doing while they close the door to get some writing done.) It's the breathless amazement in evidence when people talk about them. The "Look what a cool thing happens when we let dads help parent the kids!" And it's so hard to criticize, because people's first reaction is, what, you'd rather dads not participate in parenting enough to get excited? To not write about it? And no, I don't want to retreat to the days of fathers being less involved in their kids lives -- of course not. (And I'm annoyed that I have to bother with the caveat. Sheesh!) I'd be less pissed off, too, if I saw more evidence that writing about motherhood was being taken seriously.

What I want is for fathering to be considered as ordinary as mothering, for mothering to be considered as extraordinary as fathering. For parenting to be recognized as the ordinary and extraordinary thing it is, no matter who's doing it. For people to appreciate that parenting is a big, hard job, that even with two parents wholly engaged, can eat up vast quantities of time, attention, and energy. And that having time to write about it is a luxury.

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