IBTP

[sev]

(the things that go buzzing around in my poor stuffy head when my hayfever is bothering me too much to nap...these are notes only, not an actual essay.  Any sense I manage to make here is probably incidental.)

In the patriarchal system, people get divided into categories, and some of those categories are marked as less valuable than others.  Thus the able-bodied white-skinned white-collared male is the unmarked category, the unspoken norm. And everyone else is described in terms of how they differ, and many (if not most) of those deviations from the norm are culturally devalued. [0]

Other things get stuck into those categories as well -- traits, tasks, and objects become "feminine," or "low-class", and so on.  Thus things like the tasks of cleaning and caretaking or certain types of clothing or certain mannerisms are devalued and associated with one or more of the devalued people-categories.[1] 

Once upon a time, my feminism was entirely predicated on getting women out of the devalued category.  Women can do anything men can do!  And thus I participated in the devaluing of the "feminine" and the unthinking adoration of the tasks and traits that get swept into the unmarked categories.  Cue my adolescence and early adulthood: the canonization of the power suit and obsession with career.

Nowadays, my feminism doesn't really look like that anymore.  Don't get me wrong -- I still believe it's important to support women doing traditionally-male things.  But for the purposes of ending oppression, seeking equality, and dismantling the patriarchy, that's insufficient.  My feminism isn't fed by women taking on the trappings of the patriarchy.  It's not enough to look at the places of power and ask, where are the women?  It's necessary, but it's not sufficient.

What is also necessary is to redeem those traits and tasks and whatnot that have *also* been stuck in the devalued categories.

For instance, I think this is where the so-called "mommy wars" comes from.  The problem is not some kind of  (mostly manufactured) friction between working women and stay-at-home moms.  The problem is that cooking, cleaning, and childcare are still stuck in the box that the patriarchy labelled "feminine" (via "housewife") and then relegated to a dark corner.

Women's oppression has not been addressed until that box gets opened up and those so-called "feminine" things get shared across the unmarked categories.  Until then, no matter how many women show up in power-careers, we still end up having to shoulder a disproportionate amount of what's been culturally devalued (or we dump it onto some other devalued category -- how many of the people we hire to take care of our children and clean our houses are middle-class white men?)

The manifesta of my thirties has grown to include a new section.

None of us are free until:

Men can express affection or cry without being labelled weak.[2]

Women can choose to prioritize career over home without being labelled heartless, and wield power without being labelled bitchy.

Everybody feels obligated to do their share of housework and childcare.

We value blue-collar trades as much as we value sitting behind a desk.

...more later, maybe. Must stop for lunch, now (how did it get to be 3pm?)

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[0] I can't recall where I first encountered this concept; the essay included an anecdote about kids and lunchtables and when race was vs. was not used to describe the kids at the various tables.  It made enough of an impression on me that I've started trying to point out "oh, look, white guys!".  Anyway, the "unmarked category" is interesting and it's a good lens through which to see this whole thing:  look at "working mother" vs. "working father", for instance.

[1] examinations of cause and effect shelved.  This is a vicious circle, so whether the association or the devaluing comes first is moot -- but the answer is "both, and each reinforces the other."

[2] or effeminate, or gay -- not weak, because those traits will no longer be seen as weakness, and not effeminate or gay because those will no longer be insults, nor will they be useful categories for actions

Comments

[malafrena.livejournal.com]

I'm a friend of Gretta's, stay at home (really, it should be "stay in the car") with a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and have to start my comment with a "that's it exactly!" The lack of respect for housework and child-rearing is so universal that I recently heard an ad from the American Cancer Society: "I went from making dinner for my family to making a difference to the world in just three days."

So is it any surprise that women get depressed when we stay home with kids? Any wonder our self-respect takes a nosedive when we stop going to important corporate meetings?

Curiously, I have also found myself having problems because of a lack of necessary skills. As a daughter of the feminist movement, I could have learned a lot from my mom about cooking and housecleaning, but I didn't have any respect for it. And as an adult completely cut off from mothers and families (not a recognized part of the corporate world), I could have learned a lot about childcare, and didn't.

I could ramble on and on, but you can see more on my blog if you check out the "amateur sociology" tag. Instead, I'll borrow a chant from the labor movement.

"What do we want?"

"Respect!"

"When do we want it?"

"Now!"