"Are they just totally random at this age?"

[sev]

I was asked, Monday, while Lila was hollering in her car seat and my friend was driving, whether six-week-old babies were just totally random. I answered with something along the lines of "kind of, but not really."

And now I want to make a Baby Alert Scale and post it somewhere. With "Green: reasonably predictable" at the bottom and "RED: ENTIRELY RANDOM!" at the top. And a little baby-shaped magnet I can move around on it. Because sometimes, her (perfectly logical from the point of a six-week-old, I'm sure) preferences and behaviors are completely indistinguishable from random.

Walking around the kitchen, trying to make lunch. Lila's squalling, as she has been doing for the last thirty-six hours whenever I'm not managing to give her the *exact* stimulus she wants. Fortunately, that exact stimulus has been one of two things: Napping on my lap -- my lap, mind you, not on my chest or in my arms or anywhere else other than her back on my lap with her legs tucked under my arm, preferably my left arm -- or sitting up on my leg, preferably my left leg, bouncing up and down on the exercise ball. At a very specific tempo. Very non-random. Randomness alert level green!

Neither of these soothing activities is conducive to a meal, however, so she's strapped onto my chest while I try to bounce around the kitchen at exactly the right tempo and put my food in a bowl at the same time. Which works not-so-great, but it works better than setting her down would.

At least for awhile. By the time my lentils come out of the microwave and I'm ready to start eating (one spoonful, then a walk across the kitchen and back, then another spoonful...we did this yesterday) she's full-on upset and nothing is helping. I start the mental checklist: is she tired? bored? wet? hungry? too hot? too cold? Change diaper and see what else might be wrong....nothing, as far as I can tell. *I'm* tired, bored, and hungry, but she seems to be none of these things.

Fine. If she's going to be upset no matter what I do, I might as well put her down so I can eat without worrying I'll drop lentils on her head. So I march into the living room and plunk her down in the swing. Momentarily consider running upstairs for my earplugs, but decide to just hurry through my meal.

And thirty seconds later she's totally silent, and a few minutes later when I finish eating and go check on her, she's sound asleep.

Randomness alert level RED!

Comments

[erev-rav.livejournal.com]

oy. stepping away was a pretty courageous choice, and one that I haven't been able to make yet. and then... success??!!

sometimes a little ball of indeterminacy, that one.

[sev]

I regularly set her down for short periods -- so I can go to the bathroom, turn off the space heater, move the laundry, etc. So I have some practice.

Of course, she didn't sleep for long. But it was nice to finish lunch. :)

[snippy]

Hey, I vaguely remember that. I've done the "try everything to make the crying stop" dance, and the "must step away before I hurt the baby" walk, too.

Random...not exactly. Try thinking about it this way: they don't know what's going to feel good, they don't know how to relax when they're tired (kids don't really learn this for *years*, like, until they're teenagers or older), and what works today might not work tomorrow because they've only got the one "this is bad!" mode. They can't tell you what's wrong about it or how to fix it, it's an on/off switch: they can't even tell you that the badness today is different, so try something else.

Sometimes your presence is so stimulating she can't let go of you even to sleep. So removing yourself is worth trying.

[grettaelizabeth.livejournal.com]

I think I already told you this, but age six weeks to age ten weeks is generally understood to be a nightmarish time. There's just no pleasing them. Luckily, they're really cute. And I swear to you, things get so much better in the 10-12 week age range... and better again in the 3-6 month age range. Just grit your teeth. And call me if you need anything.

[sev]

Yeah, you mentioned that, and it was very good to be forewarned! Though honestly, aside from the bizzare sleep patterns and constant pooping, she's still totally manageable. :) (this may just mean that the worst is yet to come, I guess.)

Z has been back to work for three days, and I managed to shower on two of them! I'll call you if I need somebody to entertain her while I get clean -- amazing what a difference it makes for me, even when I don't have time to wash my hair..,.

[slfisher.livejournal.com]

Often when a baby or child is really fussy, it needs to sleep.

The other analogy I have heard is that being with a baby is like being with a tripping person, so if you don't like the mindset the baby has, change the setting (go to another location).

[grama-nita.livejournal.com]

Hang in there! You and Ethan are wonderful parents -- and the fact that you are finding some humor at this baby stage and the fact that you have supportive friends (look at all the comments!) is rich.

Love you lots. Kiss Lila all over for me.